Hurt Again

So Mary brings to light the idea of protecting our hearts from pain and rejection on her song "Hurt Again". It's another song with the perfect lyrics to a never ending chapter in my life. Mary hit the nail on the head with the second verse:

I can't never ever let you see me this way
So I take all my feelings and I tuck them away
Frontin like I don't want you to hold me tight
So I act like I'm putting up a fight
To get your attention
And make you stay around longer
So I tell you I don't like it
Cause I know that that will make you wanna hold me tighter
I can't help myself I really like ya

This is me 100% and I'm that I'm not the only female who does this. In a perfect world love should never be painful. It should be happy and uplifting and filled with joy but time and time again love because hate when people are hurt. You know put your feelings out there and love someone than one day either they are overwhelmed by this joyous feeling called love or they just never felt it so they are ready to move on. So usually one person ends up hurt, vowing to never get hurt again. So than time goes by, someone else walks in your life and all the pain from your last love flashes before your eyes. Next thing you know the only thing going through your mind is not again. You give in a little and you give him enough room to move in your mind but not your heart. Everything seems so familiar from the last jerk that screwed you over so why experience that pain again. Like the saying goes "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me blah, blah, blah". So learning from the last mistake you vow to never get hurt again. You fight off his advances, push away when he pulls you close because you don't want to seem vulnerable and even ignore his phone calls from time to time. Well several things can come from this 1. you push the person so far away they give up trying, 2. you push them away and than you realize they had a lot to offer and you give them a chance, 3. you push them away and than you realize they had a lot to offer and you give them a chance only for them to play you because you didn't give them a chance soon enough. Well it sucks doesn't it... I guess the best thing you can do is give someone a chance. The worst feeling in the world is to love someone and to lose them... I lost my first love because he passed away and I lost my second love because after my first love I vowed to never "Hurt Again".

Officially Missing You

I once asked a guy "Did you miss me" and he replied "No, If I missed you, I would've told you, and you wouldn't have to ask". That statement hurt me, crushed my feelings because I always thought that missing someone was a sign of affection and caring and that statement crumbled my idea. It wasn't until recently that the definition of truly missing someone was defined for me. Night after night, I laid in my bed and cried and cried and cried because all the memories we shared flashed through my mind. I was in denial and unaware how to cope with these common feelings of anger and sadness. This time they were different because these feelings were for a different reason as usual. These feelings were remorse, feelings I felt because I missed you. It was at that moment that I realized that missing someone was a painful feeling and that's probably why when you reunite with them there is so much joy. Over and over again in my life I have told people that I missed them but missing you was a completely different feeling. I felt it in my heart, in my mind, in my body, and in my soul. It was a pain like no other that I ever felt and when it wasn't hurting me it made me made. Missing someone was defined when I lost you, forever you would physically be away from me but in my heart you will always live. Your physical presence is missed but the joy you feel when you are reunited with someone is in my heart because you will always be there, in my heart is where you will always be. So with that said I miss you, but you bring joy to my heart.

I Let A Dog Roam, Now He Wanna Come Home

Kimmie said it best on Keyshia Cole's "Let it Go" song.... "I let a dog roam, now he wanna come home". Basically, I let you go out and fuck bitches and you see that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Well that's the sad reality that many men face nowadays. They get into relationships and truely develop feelings for their girl but just because they are men they want to test the boundaries and strength of their relationship and explore other terrority. I'm not going to even get into the fact that if a chick did that she would be a hoe and undesirable after the fact. Let's just stick to the key concept at hand you give a nigga a foot and he take a mile than once he is tired and he wanna crawl back to some good lovin and rehabilitation... umm wait a minute you decided to go sniff other bitches and I was expected to stick around and wait... no no no buddy thats not the way it works. You can't expect to leave a relationship to go be with some other chick and than expect me to wait around and take you back on your terms. Said to say but a lot of times people give up what they got for something else that may be in reach. Just because you can reach it doesn't mean it won't burn you when you get your hands on it. Just know for the record that if you leaving you leaving and the only way you coming back is if I tell you to leave and ask you to come back.

Just Be A Man About It

So I was watching some random show on television tonight and it reminded me of the Toni Braxton song "Just Be A Man About It". We actually it wasn't television that inspired me it was a conversation with my best friend. After posting a status all over Myspace that "you teach people how to treat you", we began to have a text discussion about being fed up. It was brief but because it is a recurring topic I can expound on it. She said she's tired but I know that she doesn't give up easily. I just try to emphasize to everyone especially my FEMALE friends that people are only going to treat you the way you allow them to. I believe that as a society we have too many boundaries but on a individualistic level having a lot of boundaries makes you seem ODC but is that really the case? Anyway I'm getting off topic... the moral of the story is "just be a man about it". As usual I thought about getting my freshman year body back so I can get back in the game but as I think about it I really don't want to be played/ play anyone. And I quote "I want a real MAN not a boo or a nigga but someone who is about me mentally, physically and emotionally. It's great that men pride themselves on being truthful to women but if you are treating a chick like crap than you are still a jerk. Yea you can say well she continues to stay around and let me treat her the way I do but guess what... Karma is a bitch and despite what someone allows you to do, the choice to do it is still on you so like the good word says "You reap what you sow". Now don't get me wrong I'm not passing judgment on anyone or the decisions they choose to make I'm just throwing some thoughts out there for you to ponder on. I've been on the receiving and giving end of the spectrum and trust me its better to give positive energy to the world so that you get positive energy back. So the next time you decide that you are just going to fuck your friend and live him or her to ponder on the name of the game you are playing just think that the shit most likely is going to come back on you... trust me I'm slowing learning that positive def is better!!

BTW... being a man about it is a matter of respect for yourself AND OTHERS... remember you aren't the only person in this world and you shouldn't burn bridges.

Everybody Laughs, Everybody Crys... That's the Thing about LOVE

Ohhhhhh tell me that I am not the only one that's going through it all
Ohhhhhh sometimes I feel like I'm the only one going through it all
But it's time, oh it's time for me to shine
Said it's my time, oh it's time for me to shine
It's my time, said it's my time for me to shine
It's my time, it's my time for me to SHINE!

- Alicia Keys

Brand New SHIT... Stevie A!

So yesterday I gave a lil shout out to a up and coming DC artist Stevie A. Bonie, his manager put me on to this talented, young rapper making a voice for himself not only in the DMV but world wide. I like Stevie A because not only does he have talent but he is actually trying to have a career. Unlike a lot of local DMV artist he is reaching out to audiences beyond the tri-state area. BTW he also is FLI! Not sure who Stevie A is, well that's not a problem. Click here to check out his Myspace page and listen to his music. Do yourself a favor and become a fan.

Just Because You Can

Happy 4th of July kids!!!! Do me a favor and be safe, stay out of trouble and remember to party to celebrate your freedom. Within its American freedom, racial freedom or religious freedom take this paid holiday and have a few drinks and a laugh just because you CAN!